Tuesday, October 31, 2006

stupid research notes

Introduction: you remember that story of mine about the three week jinx. the theory states that no relationship with the opposite sex shall start prior to one month preceding departure from the landmass. That the theory will be invalidated in submarine environments or in space may be tested in future. unfortunately i am reminded of it even though every one but me thinks its stupid. some thing about women and me. I admit I am asexual and asocial for most of everyday. but it seems there must be some change in my body language, behavior and attitude precisely a month before i leave the continent. so two weeks ago when I met this girl, I was like "bingo, three weeks", I am leaving the continent on thanks giving (25th Nov). Only there is variation in that three weeks. The longest I have had any relationship was about three months. One of my little anatomy students who unfortunately was interested in me when I was at my busiest. well she got tired and found a boy friend. the new girl and I are going out this weekend. there is some chemistry in the air, can feel it and i smell it, am gonna play along. after all I am leaving the country on Monday instead. Yes, new developments, I am moving to Paris (France) on Monday/Tuesday. She sounded pretty disappointed when I told her I was leaving. I promised to get her something, but did not tell her that I may not be returning.

methods and analysis: now for the interesting part - the math. I turn a year short of three decades in three months to the date. assuming I am young, alive and mentally and sexually active till I am 60 (on the conservative side) that is 30 years more.

(30 years x 52 weeks in a year) / (3 weeks per relationship) = 520 relationships in thirty years

discussion: that is the maximum number of relationships I will have based on current trends, assuming women come by like groceries. assuming I don't do double or triple groceries from time to time.

the minimum based on the above stated trend is 30 relationships.

Will the relationships increase in length as my job lengths/stability increase? The above phenomenon suggests that the more stable my job or life the fewer the relationships. However, in order to achieve the maximum possible relationships I must have as many changes in my address or job or both in the next thirty years or at least a new address or job every 12 months, for the minimum.

It should be noted that the above calculations do not take into account variation or standard deviation in duration of relationships. And a relationship greater than 3 months is considered an outlier or near improbability based on history.

conclusion: considering that jobs tend to be more stable and longer lasting than my relationships, it is very possible that the final realized number of transient relationships will not exceed the minimum of 30, and durable relationships will still remain elusive.

Isn't this a good use of education? you must wonder why I was taught math or even sent to school.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

dating - phone sex has replaced the real thing

I wonder every now and then about courtship and dating and pretty much why I am always single. I had a date for tonight but she just called and said she may not be able to make it. I had a date for tomorrow night as well and that girl suddenly has a boy friend. I had a date two weekends ago and that girl forgot my name or could not understand what I said on the phone. So here is my summary. To be engaged in a sort of courtship you need to know a potential mate that is interested in you. Well most women are interested in me. You also need to be persistent. I am not persistent. If a girl does not make the hand shake I really forget to call her back. So I am not persistent with individual potential successes. But I am not persistent with making random contacts either. See, to have a date every week you should be making pleasant conversation with atleast a handful or two hands ful of women every week. I do not make that amount of conversation, and when I do they are people that I have no interest in. Yesterday for instance I hung up on my mother after 40 minutes of conversation saying that I was tired of talking, call me back in a month. It works with my mother but not with strangers. With my closest of friends I do not like to talk on the phone. Women these days like to talk on the phone only. I guess that is why population in some countries is dropping, phone sex has replaced the real thing. I suppose that is the new clandestine population control policy in India and China.

Anatomy of developing relationships - meet new people daily, make conversation, exchange contact information, complement them, call them, remember their name and their face, if they cannot go out on one occasion call them again, if there is a sudden boyfriend he must be a mask, be persistent with each potential mate, meet new people, remember to call them atleast once in two weeks if anything has to come off it.

I do not follow any of the instructions above. I am happy and single and happily single. I once forgot what a girl looked like, another time I called her dog by her name, usually I forget to call for months, and when I walk into a room I do my thing and leave oblivious to people that noticed me. So, I am happy and single and happily single. Considering that my nature is wired this way I cannot be surprised that every woman that has captivated me, actually did that. Really, I have been stalked in some cases till I fell in love, or just habituated to a person that I fell in love, but all of those girls liked me, found me, followed me and tried to have me (making up for my lack of persistence).

So while I attempt at playing the dating game I am probably better doing what I really enjoy, nothing.

attack of the sting rays

things must be really bad if
Kim Jong Il detonated a nuke, but he is crazy
the earth is heating up that winter last year tasted like spring
and Steve Irwin got stabbed by a sting ray.
what is the common thread here ?
well all crazy people detonate nukes - Americans, Russians, Brits, French, Indians, Koreans, Pakis (they really hate being called Paki)
so crazy people will eventually detonate nukes if not done already.
the earth is heating up and nothing is stopping it, we ripped the ozone, dried the rivers and lakes
ate al the fish, had sex with animals and now the same sex, and cars.
steve irwin got stabbed by a sting ray and we thought that was a freak accident.
Alas it was a warning. the only warning of the Attack of the Suicide Rays. It has been reoprted that Suicide Rays hired by the Al quaeda have been jumping on to boats and stabbing people to death. Of course they do all this before the chef makes sushi out of them.

be warned make sure you are the chef.

sounds and smells

they call it nostalgia,
yes that is what they call it.
trigerred by the sounds and smells in our environment
why even the weather
winter, summer, spring, fall,
rain, sun, wind,
all of these are intricate reminders of experiences.

life is all about human relationships
we thrive in both having and lacking relationships
when we have it we run
when we dont have it we seek it out

memories, some of them pleasant
others horrid
but none occured in isolation, rather
they occurred in some season and weather
and with some sight, sound and smell

winter a depressing time and it comes again
more like a period for reflection when
all are huddled in their burrows with their closest
winter probably more entwined with smells and sounds
lack of activity and often intense pulses of activity
make these associations stay

the isolation of winter increases human emotions,
causing people to fall in love, marry and reproduce
failing the winter the lonesome seek their mates in spring
when all is in bloom and food in abundance
reproduction and courting are at their peak

how psychology is nothing more than modified biology
perfect for people living in the harshness of tundra.
sitting in a cafe the temperature down
sipping a latae
observing the seasonal change of fashion
the music reflects the coming melancholy
the warmth of the day's sun will last only so long

winter the smell of hot coffee
sound of community cheer and melancholy music
sight of lovers and love lorn

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

apples

If women were apples
then men will pick the fullest, ripest, reddest one
but women are no longer apples
coz apples can do nothing to men
and men will eat them all and more

If men were apples
then women will pick the fullest, ripest, reddest one
the apple if not the sweetest
into the bin it will go

but if women were not hungry for apples
but if they did like apples,
they will dread gravity, but hope
that the best apple will find them to fall on.

Monday, October 16, 2006

the three week jinx begins again

I find it very amusing. As mentioned previously I have a three week jinx. As I have just confirmed my departure for an extended period of time things are happening again. We'll see how it goes this time. But I have been maturing with my past experiences that I control intimate emotions that may screw me later. i.e. I know how things could not turn out in four months and I have learned to have greater disregard for others possible emotion. But on my early learning curve I prevented emotions completely, the learning curve I project will ideally develop such that the complete me will be unleashed and leashed at will. Sounds scary, sounds like life gets sweeter.

Sunday, October 01, 2006

death and life

you know in my last 10 years i have seen so many people pass away from natural deaths to supposed suicides to air crashes to fuck ups and accidents, that this evening when i stepped into the shower i freaked out. I was not looking at myself but i realized that my left nipple was not where it should be. when i looked there was a hard lump. seeing or hearing of so many people die really affects your reactions. well my immidiate reaction was lump in breast = breast cancer. i decided if i was goign to die (in the last year two of my colleagues were diagnosed with lymphoma) let me have fun, and then i remebered i moved some furniture for a friend and might have hurt myself at the time. I'll find out in a few days, and i still dont have insurance.