Reconciliation

To look back at your past, without reaction, objectively; to acknowledge the past, its rights and its wrongs. To move on. Reconciliation is about conquering your past and winning your future. And I have gone through a period of reconciliation just as several others and nations have for their mistakes of the past. Reconciliation is usually associated with wrongs of the past or results of past actions that just did not translate right. However, just like you I have made mistakes in my past. Right from being over-judgemental to being consciously and sub-consciously wrong in my behaviour. I may elaborate my wrongs at a later time, I think this essay is about the process of reconciliation and not a trial of my actions.

The most recent process of reconciliation is what I will describe. It happens this month, two years ago. Strangely I have the same hairstyle as I did then – tonsured. It was a time when I was in love. In love with my work and quite apathetic to the opposite sex of having any relationships till I met one girl that had some thing unique about her.  I just had to know her. The events of that period unfolded, again strangely, on a stormy, rainy, full moon night. We were in the entertainment district of Deep Ellum. I was riding with this girl and her best friend. Things went wrong that night like I cannot imagine even today. It was more difficult for me because the layout of the city was still a mystery at the time to me and so I had only my vague mental map and time scale to work with. To make things worse she would not meet me ever again. An important part of reconciliation is to confront the past to make it a non-event, and this was not possible as long as I could not meet her or visit that neighborhood. But two years down I moved into a loft a block away from the same district. The first month was an ordeal. Walking the streets only brought back memories, flashes of the events; I have bad memory - I remember too much and details. I still haven’t located the parking lot where the events unfolded but I have come to terms with the place. I know the place like the back of my hand and I can walk confident of myself through the district, with neither remorse nor hate nor elation of my past. It happened, it was just that, one event in my life among many more that I have to reconcile with.

Reconciliation: reestablishing of cordial relations; getting two things to correspond.

Last night I reconciled with another person, it would be nice to reconcile with her too.

Reconciliation certainly gives a psychological boost, an ability to secure the past, and to secure the future from/and the past.