a letter I wrote a while ago. here she is again!
over a period of four years I had a single love and passion, not a girl but my research. I had had a few fleeting encounters inbetween that I will attribute to what I call my three week jinx. Essentially every time I met a girl that I had any degree of interest in, I left the continent three weeks later for durations that ranged from four months to a year. But I never had any regrets because I really really loved my work, and I still do though I am on a sabbatical. The reason for my sabbatical is complex. I got burned out from research but I think an important reason was a young woman that I met who for the first time in four years was really distracting me from my first love. Alas this was before I had confronted the three week jinx head on. I met this woman weeks prior to my departure from the continental USA for my research site in the East Indies.
A brief history of the relationship - she had been one of my students at the university. While I am very friendly with students I never indulged them inapropriately, and infact I never paid attention to this girl in my class. till the last day when she came to make a request off me. She had needed to make up some assignments and the ensuing conversation got me fascinated with her. Unfortunately I was unable to ask her out as I was still her teacher (for a couple days more). It was four to five months later when we randomly met again and I asked her out. And this was four weeks prior to setting sail from the continent.
Three weeks later. I didnt know how to express myself to her because I did not want to rush a relationship or any assumptions. but I was paranoid of the clock ticking and that I would not meet her again when I got back. I was also under pressure from my official and research responsibilities and was actually not sleeping (enough). I finally asked her out but things turned sour. She passed out and her friend (your namesake) got drunk and I (with lack of sleep and fear of losing her) had got drunk much faster than usual. She did see me before I left for the airport, and I am so grateful for that because I dont know how I had got through the previous days (I had worked deadlines like a zombie) or how I would have accomplished any research.
It has been a long while since I talked to or saw this person. I have not made any attempt besides email. In the first six months she only responded when I said I was walking away from it all. And her response kept me waiting.
Today I am over her. I really dont know who she is today. But I am still fascinated by that person I met that day. Since then I have met a few others, but none have inspired me.
What puzzles me even today is that she had wanted to meet my parents and travel with me and do road trips - across India with me. She spent so much time with me that I really appreciate (I used to look forward to it) her for someone I really didnt know very much at a time I had very few friends here in DFW. She had asked to bring her photographs and stories and write letters and gifts from remote cultures. I brought them and over time have either donated them or gifted them off.
After the souring of our relationship I expressed my feelings to her before I said goodbye (that is when she responded and I hung on). She did not reciprocate her emotions and never said anything to me positive or negative. Sadly to this day the relationship soured not because of her or me, but because of her friend (details are graphic :D).
anyone is welcome to give me an opinion (to this day I have only told this to my brother (who saved me from that night) and his girlfriend (then/wife now). but they do not understand. personally if I meet someone tomorrow who captivates me I will be happy, but I am not looking to settle and no one has inspired me so far.
If you want I can give you her name and email address as well. What do you think?
In a couple months I may leave the country or Texas depending things in progress. I do plan to call her and say hello just before I leave (If she answers her phone or email).
A brief history of the relationship - she had been one of my students at the university. While I am very friendly with students I never indulged them inapropriately, and infact I never paid attention to this girl in my class. till the last day when she came to make a request off me. She had needed to make up some assignments and the ensuing conversation got me fascinated with her. Unfortunately I was unable to ask her out as I was still her teacher (for a couple days more). It was four to five months later when we randomly met again and I asked her out. And this was four weeks prior to setting sail from the continent.
Three weeks later. I didnt know how to express myself to her because I did not want to rush a relationship or any assumptions. but I was paranoid of the clock ticking and that I would not meet her again when I got back. I was also under pressure from my official and research responsibilities and was actually not sleeping (enough). I finally asked her out but things turned sour. She passed out and her friend (your namesake) got drunk and I (with lack of sleep and fear of losing her) had got drunk much faster than usual. She did see me before I left for the airport, and I am so grateful for that because I dont know how I had got through the previous days (I had worked deadlines like a zombie) or how I would have accomplished any research.
It has been a long while since I talked to or saw this person. I have not made any attempt besides email. In the first six months she only responded when I said I was walking away from it all. And her response kept me waiting.
Today I am over her. I really dont know who she is today. But I am still fascinated by that person I met that day. Since then I have met a few others, but none have inspired me.
What puzzles me even today is that she had wanted to meet my parents and travel with me and do road trips - across India with me. She spent so much time with me that I really appreciate (I used to look forward to it) her for someone I really didnt know very much at a time I had very few friends here in DFW. She had asked to bring her photographs and stories and write letters and gifts from remote cultures. I brought them and over time have either donated them or gifted them off.
After the souring of our relationship I expressed my feelings to her before I said goodbye (that is when she responded and I hung on). She did not reciprocate her emotions and never said anything to me positive or negative. Sadly to this day the relationship soured not because of her or me, but because of her friend (details are graphic :D).
anyone is welcome to give me an opinion (to this day I have only told this to my brother (who saved me from that night) and his girlfriend (then/wife now). but they do not understand. personally if I meet someone tomorrow who captivates me I will be happy, but I am not looking to settle and no one has inspired me so far.
If you want I can give you her name and email address as well. What do you think?
In a couple months I may leave the country or Texas depending things in progress. I do plan to call her and say hello just before I leave (If she answers her phone or email).
posted by ceirius at
1:29 AM
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