death and life

you know in my last 10 years i have seen so many people pass away from natural deaths to supposed suicides to air crashes to fuck ups and accidents, that this evening when i stepped into the shower i freaked out. I was not looking at myself but i realized that my left nipple was not where it should be. when i looked there was a hard lump. seeing or hearing of so many people die really affects your reactions. well my immidiate reaction was lump in breast = breast cancer. i decided if i was goign to die (in the last year two of my colleagues were diagnosed with lymphoma) let me have fun, and then i remebered i moved some furniture for a friend and might have hurt myself at the time. I'll find out in a few days, and i still dont have insurance.